The kids bought my husband a mug last Father’s Day that says “Daddy’s the Boss”. If you turn it around, it says “Right, Mommy?”
My son loves to remind everyone that Dad’s in charge of the family & therefore he is too, as little Squire. My daughter and I yawn, and occasionally remind him that “G.R.B.D. “ To translate, “Girls Rule, Boys Drool.” No need to fight about it, the proof is in the pudding.
The more I live this existence in middle-class, married-with-kids suburbia, the answer seems to always coming up G.R. For one thing, you can’t call a married couple’s house and get the guy to make the decision. It’s always “I have to go ask my wife.” For a second thing, when the guy does make the decision, the woman changes it. And it’s usually changed because it’s a better plan (as far as any woman can judge).
Now if women would side-step their way out of the business would that help? Probably for the man, but then things wouldn’t be done the way the woman wants them, and the question becomes, is that good enough? Take for instance, Boy Scouts. It’s messy, it’s wild, it’s hot dogs and chips. Girl Scouts are orderly, crafty and snacks cover a minimum of 4 food groups.
Either way, it’s all in good fun and they all grow up as healthy as the other. (Although…less veggies could be tied to the symptom of B.D.)
I don’t know who decided the way things are supposed to be, but it certainly seems that whether posed or self-imposed, women are the ones running the operation. No wonder the cave men went to hunt, they had to get out from under the control and forge their own leadership skills.
But yet most of them, as is today, came back for further direction. And the women were there, waiting patiently to provide orders.
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7 comments:
You had me agreeing right up to the "waiting patiently" part. I don't think women ever wait patiently to provide orders. Especially now that cell phones exist. Women can now provide orders at any time, from any distance.
I once read, long ago, a news item about a scientific study that concluded that the most successful way to a "happy" marriage is for the husband always to give in to the wife. It's not just a joke, and it's not about "who wears the pants." It goes to exactly what you've described.
The problem is when it becomes so one-sided that the husband feels either (a) taken for granted or (b) unable to do anything without criticism. And this is a condition that works itself into the relationship, insidiously, over time. And that's often when it all falls apart and everyone wonders, "How did they stay married for fifteen years and raise two kids and then have it all come undone?"
You raise a good point there - women, myself at the front of the line, are not patient. Which I guess is why my husband has his cell phone turned off half the time.
& The hen-pecking - you are right on there too. So many of my couples come in with that dynamic, and after 15 or even 30 years, it's a huge hill of resentment to dig through.
Women generally are detail oriented--men, except for my father, not so much
My sister is a true obsessive. Her husband will throw away anything
My niece put them together incredibly at her Bat Mitzvah which was incredible due to my sister's planning after planning after planning
My niece gave a great speech talking about it and both her father and I have seen my sister through her eyes since then
I do think many women have learned judicious use of cells. It's just when men are out playing golf or having a good time and the woman is home after working all week doing home things it's a bit hard not to call.
And even if men were raised in a feminist household the men I know were also raised to be princes while a woman almost always has the put your needs aside gene--but there comes a time
Great post and title
What surprises me is that men can be so detailed oriented at work, but at home, it's the women that keeps the details. What's that about? Biology or learned behavior? hmmmm.
it didn't take me years of marriage, having a child, or acquiring property to make me realize who ruled the relationship. and that was fine. i don't want the responsibility for making life-altering decisions that will inevitably get shot down.
a husband's main job is to be a source of perpetual disappointment to the wife.
i'm not detail oriented at work or at home. just writing. men are hunters, right? we can only keep a few facts in our head without it exploding, such as kill the critter and eat it.
This was great.
I get so frustrated at my brother, frequently questioning how he could have gotten my sister-in-law pregnant twice as it seems he has no balls when it comes to decision making. The perfect example: my sister-in-law was going away for the weekend last summer, leaving their 2 year old son home with him. I called to see if I could grab my nephew for Saturday to go swimming. My brother's response? "I'll have to ask my wife."
Um, he's your son too. She's gonna be out of town. I'm your sister, his aunt and godmother. I think you could make this one tiny decision.
But no.
bookfraud "a husband's main job is to be a source of perpetual disappointment to the wife." - oh not that bad I hope. Maybe just a perpetual work in progress. Us women do have to feel in control so someone has to be the project. :-)
tc: That is so funny - I can so see that happening. And then he probably destroyed the one piece of quiet she had.
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