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When Jack and Sadie shattered glass under the Chuppah, they had no idea how tangled their marriage would become. Their love for each other, put on the back burner with the addition of children, the unending quest for money and success would spin them around until there was no forward or backward. If they fully understood what was before them, would they have taken the plunge?
In their tiny apartment on the tenth floor of Sunrise Assisted Living, Jack went to his bureau and took out a small wooden box, full of glass shards from long ago. Dusting off the box, he placed it inside Sadie’s folded hands and waited for the ambulance to come for her body. As Jack looked into his wife’s eyes for the last time, he knew without a doubt that they most certainly would have, again and again, without a question.
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12 comments:
Hi there,
You've set this up so I'm dying (no pun intended, really) to read more.
The only things that held me up a bit were the sort of not coherent images in the first paragraph, ie the use of the words shattered, tangled, spin and plunge. Is there a way to make them all fit better?
Also, maybe I'm missing something (and maybe it's intentional) but I didn't understand what "they most certainly would" meant in the last line. Certainly would what?
I just read it for the 4th time - I think you're refering to their taking the plunge. I'm quite dense, but I'm not sure that's really clear. I'll be interested to hear what other people think.
But, I really am very curious to know about these people and how Sadie died.
You are quite brave to post WIP. I'd never have the ovaries to do it!
Hi Doreen, thanks for your thoughts, you have some great points. I think you're right about too many verbs that go different ways. I'll have to think about pulling them together. Maybe I'll build this into a story..
I was going to repeat "certainly would take the plunge" but then took it out. I wondered if that was confusing. Thanks ~
Try out 3WW... it's fun... find your inner ovaries and take the plunge. :-)
I liked it just the way it was
When you said Jack took out the shards I had a feeling I knew what was coming--full circle in marriage from the wedding to death
I don't know one happily married couple who doesn't ocassionally wonder but know in their hearts...
Thanks, Pia.
I too like it exactly as it is ... don't change a thing, it's by you for the reader to interpret as they wish, well done ;)
I'm with pia and red, though the sentence about the unending quest for money is a bit long and tangled. But even so, this is a sweet tale.
done nicely...short, nice.
This was so real. In marriage it happens this way..
arched architecture
Hmmm. I wouldn't change a thing - it read well, tells the story, builds tension and I had absolutely no difficulty in understanding what transpired. Nice, nice!
Lovely and the ending so unexpected.
Sweet and beautiful, Kat.
I was beginning to ponder the question at the end of the first paragraph in my mind. Then, you answered it in the second. And your answer was much better than any I could have come up with. . What more could one hope for?
I'm glad you answered the question. I needed an answer, and I fear that's not the one I would have come up with.
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